I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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