Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
