We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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