He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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