Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
