So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
