Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
