Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
