too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
