he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
