Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
