I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
soo... how was my night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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