My liver just broke up with me...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
