you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
