make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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