my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
