I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
