It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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