I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
