Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
