I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
