i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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