You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
