Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
