You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
