Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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