3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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