Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
