the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I supernannyed him into submission
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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