Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
