He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I see more hoeing in ur future
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
