even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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