I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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