Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
