Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
