do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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