she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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