I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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