Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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