is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
