Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
