I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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