I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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