The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
