I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
3 2 1 whiskey
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
