and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
