oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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