At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
