I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
