At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
