I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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