Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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