so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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