I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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