dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
