Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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