I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
