I wannas sexs uuuuu
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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