I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
