Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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