i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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