When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
