I molested 6 butterflies tonight
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
