I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
