I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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