How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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