I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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