Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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