I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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