is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize