You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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