the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
