I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he thought i was a dude.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
