Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
