sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
