So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
