I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
