Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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