Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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