She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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