i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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