I think my fart just growled at me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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